Live and let live!–Suffer and make suffer?

Generating feelings of shame and guilt. THE means of social of pressure that have always been working so well. The pillory, introduced sometime in the late Middle Ages, was a device where people who deviated from the societal norms and values, which at the time were mainly determined by Christian churches and their rules, were tied up in public, their “shameful deeds” called out – e.g. any kind of blasphemy – and the dissenter exposed to mockery, ridicule and sometimes physical attacks by the crowd standing or passing by. The offenders had plenty of time to think carefully about how they could then reintegrate into society as unobtrusively as possible.

The crowd in front of them could above all experience unity among themselves, relief that someone else had been caught, because who didn’t have dirt on them, coupled with the deterrent effect and fear that there would be serious consequences if one deviated from the canons of the ruling powers and simply did their own individual thing instead of following the dictates of societal norms.

Now you might think this is dark history. After all, today, at least in the so-called Western world, it looks as if the free development of the individual as a strengthening element of our culture is slowly becoming a standard. The influence of patriarchy and the Christian churches has waned, the government may be nagging, but all in all we are freer than ever.

However, we carry a gigantic epigenetic legacy with us. Today, we no longer need institutions like the church to publicly shame other people. Many people do it themselves these days. All someone else has to do is deviate from the norm, say something contrary and people will pounce on it, verbally execute punishment as a shitstorm on the internet. Now I ask, what is the goal here and, above all, what is the common denominator?

Because in the past, it was about enforcing conformity through obedience, enforcing standards that others had set, about exercising power. What is it about today? In my opinion, it’s about suffering, fear and drama. If one person is doing badly, others must be doing badly too, and if one person claims to be doing well, others make sure that they are ashamed of doing well as soon as possible, because after all, the common denominator of society is that we collectively suffer happily with and from each other. You think that’s an exaggeration?

Ask yourself. How much happiness do you allow in your life, and if you experience any, how long can you endure a truly happy state? Before you take yourself out of it again through self-doubt and self-criticism, or before you find a reason to argue with someone else or provoke them with some negative comment? And have you simply got used to these ups and downs?

On a conscious level, we may not want to, but this is a pattern we live. Just read a few comments sections on social media, preferably in relation to political topics… It looks as if once some people have found their justification, think their truth is the only right one, believe they can fight a just battle from the comfort of their own couch, nothing seems to be stopping them.

There are reasons why we rather live the collective suffering than lasting shared happiness. For me, it actually goes back that far. An idea that has been preached for now more than two thousand years, that suffering brings us a little closer to the divine, to heaven, to god, that suffering has a lot to do with love, that any amount of fun and joy is followed by a crash and personal blues, or that life on earth is more of a vale of tears anyway and that heaven is waiting for us after we have died. It is deeply ingrained in our subconscious and determines our thoughts, feelings and actions. It is the clerical syndrome.

If you now think that this has nothing to do with you because you don’t practice any religion, make no mistake. Take a look at your personal life and life in general. Are you healthy, are you happy? Do you live in happy, sexually active relationships? Do you have more than enough money? Are you living your vocational dream? Do you get up in the morning and know the true reason why you were born?

Fortunately, you can start to heal those preached ideas. This requires awareness that it is just sick ideas, a kind of clerical software that we are running on and that is not good for any of us. That we don’t need to be ashamed of carrying this software with us, because it affects us all. That it is important that we don’t turn its impacts into our victim identity that would render and keep us powerless. What comes next after this awareness is the courage to change something.

So when you’re on social media again and feel more like collateral damage than constructive exchange, ask yourself whether that’s the best thing you’re capable of doing right now, whether it’s what comes from your heart instead of your anger or fear, whether your soul would write what your upset ego is telling you to write at that moment. That would be a great start to changing something and getting out of the idea of “suffer and make suffer”.

© Peggy Vogt 2024